Albus' Recollections
by MissPadfoot100
Summary: Prior to Lily and James' deaths, Albus Dumbledore re-visits his own childhood memories in the Pensieve. Answering the questions left unsaid by the books.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Harry Potter but I would like to…. Ummm…I smell cookies…

Chapter One: 

Once again Albus found himself alone in the deserted room, his eyes tilted to the ceiling, trying to avoid the only feature of the empty room drawing him in again. A small teardrop trickled slowly off the end of his long crooked nose. He looked up. Perhaps the new location of the mirror of Erised was, well, for the best. The past would always be his weakness. He stood and gently brushed the dust off the mirror's frame, touching it and seeing its solid structure made him hurt with the past. The dust entered his lungs and he doubled up coughing, that's when she caught his sight again. Ariana. Standing as he once had known her. In her blue dress smiling. Kendra, his mother, at her side. A lost future stood before him and Albus touched the surface of the mirror, and for what he secretly hoped would not be the last time, bid his mother and sister goodbye, as he once had done so many year before.

As he hurried back to the safety of his office pictures of his childhood, a childhood he had tried to hard to forget, drifted wearily through his dazed mind. Taking a deep breath he hurried on, anxious not to be caught near the room. He knew that he never truly forgot. No, it was more a case of not wanting to inflict his past upon the others around him. This way the memories seemed to fade, admittedly slowly, but none the less faded. He recalled a time when he had sworn not to forget, for them. At the time he believed this would be all he could do for them. But as the years dragged by the memories became few and short. Quite inadequate. Nevertheless this was a poor reason to hurt himself by opening up old scars, a poor reason to wander into the room and stare at them, so he could feel them again. Yes, a poor reason indeed.

Albus wondered what had brought him to the mirror tonight, could it be the idea of Lily and James's family in danger, just as his once had been? Or maybe, the thought crossed his mind without his intention, the pictures of his mother and sister in his mind deteriorating had unsettled him. He pushed the thought from his mind. He would not dwell on it, there was an opportunity right in front of him to save a family in danger. He wanted to redeem himself, if their family was kept safe, maybe he could let go of the surging thoughts of that night. As he reached the stairs to his office he spoke in what he hoped was a loud and powerful voice, compared to the real emotions inside of him which were, by all accounts, neither loud nor powerful. "Sugar Quills" he recited the password to himself as the stone gargoyle stepped aside and a large stone stairwell appeared.

Once he had reached the top of the stairs he flicked his wand at the heavy wooden door, remembering that it was the reason his back had begun to hurt again, and stepped inside. His office contained many wonders; there were large windows at the back of the room which looked out onto the forest below, a large collection of miniature dragons stirred on their shelf as he entered, and so many other enchanting artefacts sprinkled around the large room. However Albus's favourite possession was, and had always been, his pensieve. He meandered towards it with the sense that this was for the worse, but his feet felt like they had taken over his body. He stopped, and gazed into the clear surface. Thinking, thinking... His reflection caught his gaze and he surprised himself with his abysmal appearance. An old gray man peered at him, his blue eyes swimming with the ghost of his past, his hands shaking ever so slightly. He stopped, straightened his back and took, with a shaking hand, the dustiest bottle out of the memory cabinet. He peered at the bottles faded label; he could not make out what it said anymore. Without hesitation he pulled the stopper out of the bottle with his frail fingers and emptied its small silvery contents into the pensieve. The paintings that filled the office walls were still very much asleep. So he lowered his head towards the bowl, which contained the memories he hadn't seen in years. As his nose touched the silver liquid in the bowl the memories began to play beneath the surface, and without hesitation he plunged himself into the pensieve, into the past.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Harry Potter but I would like to…. Ummm…I smell cookies…

Chapter 2:

A younger Albus stood with his friend Elphias Doge in the Leaky Cauldron, both wearing travelling cloaks, murmuring to each other in quiet voices. The grubby window of the room they were in showed the darkness of the sky outside the room; it was evening. The older Albus stood in the corner of the room swaying from side to side, examining his younger self, and then the room in which he now stood. He turned his attention to the two people. Then Elphias Doge's booming laugh shattered the whispering and murmuring between the two of them. "I don't think I will follow you there Albus!" Doge's humorous tone made the younger Albus's face break out into a large grin. "No I didn't expect you wanted to visit the trolls actually Elphias, but they are so fascinating after all, don't you think?" Albus said, as he cocked his head to the side. "Well yes, I suppose they are, but if we're about to start our tour of Europe tomorrow morning then I want to start with the mermaids in Germany." Doge replied. "Yes I'm definitely in agreement with you there. I've heard those ones can speak English as well! After all I suppose you can see a troll whenever you want Elphias." Albus giggled out the sentence, while Doge stood smiling at him. "I will regret this but who are you referring to?" But the question's answer wasn't heard over the frantic knock at the door.

Both boys turned their attention to the door, and Albus made his way over to it with his cocky smile still upon his face. The Albus in the corner's stomach dropped at the sound of it, knowing what was coming next. The younger Albus pulled open the door and grinned out at the strange man. The man did not return the smile, but proceeded into the room without invitation. Doge let out a cry of indignation, but the man ignored him and turned to Albus. His lips were blue with the cold and he seemed distant from where he stood."Who are you?" Albus asked sounding confident but the smile had slipped off his face and he wore an expression of concern or panic on his unwrinkled face. The man slumped into the chair in the corner of the room and with the look of unbelievable effort said "Kendra is dead."

The scene changed to his childhood home in Godric's Hallow, a thatched cottage was placed in the backdrop of this memory. Two boys stood outside the cottage, though they stood next to each other, the younger one, Aberforth, seemed to stare at the older one, Albus, with a look of resentment on his face towards his older brother. Both were dressed in black, and were talking to a young witch, who the older Albus recognised as Bathilda Bagshot. He moved closer to hear the conversation. "Now dears, do remember that I'm just next door if you need me and that those rolls don't need long in the oven." She gestured toward the plate of food that Aberforth held in his hands. "Ok thank you Miss Bagshot" Aberforth said dryly, and he turned and went into the house without a backward glance. Albus bid the witch goodbye in a quiet voice and followed his brother.

The memory moved forward a few months, Albus was now standing in the living room of the house he grew up in. Three people were sat around the dining table. He recognised them as himself, his brother, and his sister Ariana. The room was silent except for the scrape of cutlery off the plates. Ariana sat with her long blonde hair flowing down her back; she was small for her age and had large unblinking eyes that searched the room. She was not eating. The Albus at the table looked at her through tired eyes, and said "Ariana you need to eat something, you didn't eat anything yesterday as well, if you keep this up you will become seriously ill." Ariana looked at him for a moment and replied, "I don't need to eat, I don't want to." Albus looked dismayed but not surprised by her reaction. "Ariana please-" Albus started to beg at his sister with not much conviction when she got up from the table and left the room. Albus made a movement towards the door after her when Aberforth spoke "Leave her Albus, don't beg her, she's too fragile to stand up to you."His voice sounded tired and empty of emotion. "I'll try later" he said in almost a whisper. Albus stood and pushed the creaking chair away from him, he left the house and the older Albus in the corner reluctantly followed. He stepped gingerly out of the cottage into the warm summer, he blinked as if he hadn't been outside for days and spotting the owl perched on the wall, walked towards it. Albus took the postcard from the owl already knowing that it was Elphias Doge's latest update on his travels around the world. Travels that Albus had missed because he had to look after his younger brother and sister. He shredded the letter with his wand without opening it and stomped back to the house. The older Albus knew that at the time he felt no less than love for his family, but he knew that he felt trapped, burdened down by them both. He sluggishly moved after his younger self feeling ashamed.

The scene changed in the beat of a heart and suddenly there was a boy in emerald green robes standing in the street outside of the Dumbledore's home, with the utmost look of satisfaction on his boyish face. A young man Albus noticed as himself, stepped outside the cottage with a grin plastered to his face, looking at the boy in the green robes. He called as he went "Aberforth I'm busy, you go and do it. Grindelward and I have things to discuss!" He approached the boy and clasping his hand said "Gellert." Gellert Grindelward smiled at Albus with his enchanting eyes and they began to walk up the street together. The start of their conversation was not heard by the older Albus as he hurried to keep up with them, holding his beating heart in his uneasy chest. "Wizard dominance is for the muggles' own good! Yes we have been given power and yes this means we have a right to rule. But we must exercise caution with this power." The young Albus animated his sentences with his hand gestures and took great strides as he went. "Exactly Albus, of course within reason, but we must seize control for the greater good!" Gellert exclaimed this point with a large sweeping gesture at the square of the village in which they now stood. Both boys began to laugh and hurried on. The older Albus stopped. He did not want to follow; he did not want to hear more. He knew what he had said all those years ago, he knew how he had ignored the family he was meant to care for, and he knew what was about to happen next. With a sense of foreboding apprehension dawning in his stomach the scene changed.

He was standing outside his house. The dark around him seemed to seep into him as he took a shaky step closer to the scene. Aberforth was yelling, his yells pierced the night. "Wake up Albus! Wake up! You know you can't travel the world with him" he pointed at where Gellert stood. He did not look boyish and his eyes no longer smiled. His face was full of hate, his eyes fixed on Aberforth as he yelled. "You have Ariana! You're in charge, that's what you wanted isn't it? Isn't it Albus? You told me you wanted to care for her! For both of us! But you don't." His voice now dropping to a daunting whisper that seemed more frightening than the yelling that it had replaced. "No, no, you want to travel the world, you want to fulfill your amazing potential." He snarled as he took a step towards Albus, Gellert raised his wand. "You want to leave her. Don't you? You don't care; you don't care what our mother died for! DO YOU!" Aberforth screeched into the air. Gellert's face hardened as he spat "You stupid little boy, how dare you talk to him like that! Crucio" Aberforth's anger slipped from his face and he fell to the floor crying in agony. "Gellert! Stop!" Albus cried, bursting into motion, he tried to tug the wand away from Gellert but he pushed him away. "Stop it! Don't hurt him." Albus pleaded. Grindelward's face slackened, and he lowered his wand arm. Aberforth lay motionless on the ground. Grindelward spoke to Albus now, "you see, Albus he is weak, you are so much more than him." Albus's face seemed ghost white and stood out in the darkness. "You could be great Albus, we could be great, and it's all in your head." He spoke slowly wanting the words to wash over Albus, as he paced around him. "You know-"but Gellert was cut short by Aberforth's scream "Stupify!" As the hex came whirling at Gellert, Grindelward's face hardened once more and suddenly both were duelling, sending curses and hexes and sparks of light streaming around the street. Then Albus joined the fight. He stood near Aberforth and sent stream after stream of spells at Grindelward, and then Ariana appeared. Her already thin and ghostly face yelling, crying for them to stop. The fight continued and Ariana's screams of outrage became background noise to their fight. Then all of a sudden her yelling stopped. All three boys were brought sharply back into reality by her lack of noise. Albus spun round, to see Ariana lying in a twisted ball upon the floor. No one moved. It was like the world stood still, and Albus crept towards her with the increasing sense of dread filling him up. He knelt beside her body, her eyes were open and a vacant look covered her face. "Ariana" He whispered her name, more to himself than her, already knowing she wasn't there anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Sarah Hardy

I don't own Harry Potter but I would like to…. Ummm…I smell cookies…

Chapter 3

Albus gasped as he stumbled away from the pensieve, his mind whirling around at the sudden ending to the memories he had once known so well. He sat down on the cold steps in his office. Shaking his head slowly wishing and wanting what he had just seen to leave him. He had known deep down when he met Grindelward what he had been, yes that much was true, but he never though he would harm Albus's family and poor Ariana. After her death his life seemed to change forever, he held onto the memory, always holding, holding. Just in case. He stood with shaking legs and regaining control and picked up the cloak that James Potter had lent him the week before. He was sure that his cloak was the cloak in the Deathly Hallows, yes the cloak of invisibility. Grindelward and he wanted these as well. To be the masters of death. Foolish, he thought, death is but the next great adventure to a well organised mind. The elder wand was really what they had wanted, the most powerful wand in the world. This was really all that Grindelward had wanted from the Deathly Hallows. The resurrection stone had held an appeal to Albus since his father had died in Askaban after he was sent there for attacking three muggle boys who had hurt Ariana. Grindelward didn't really see the appeal of the stone as much as Albus but he, like Albus, had wanted the set. The cloak, the stone and the wand. Albus mentally shook himself, he would return the cloak to James tomorrow, he had given up the foolish desires and dreams the Deathly Hallows had allowed him to create in his mind. Just as his waves of thoughts came to an abrupt ending there was a loud echoing knock at the door.

Albus's pacing came to a sharp halt. The knock reverberated off the walls. Albus marched himself to the door, and opened it to find Minerva standing with a mixture of dismay and dread upon her tight face. "Albus it's happened" She spoke to him quietly but she had already made her way into the office and stood staring out the large windows. "He-who-must-not-be-named has killed Lily and James, but not the boy." She spoke this as a statement more than the report she was giving Albus. He felt his stomach drop. He knew the odds were against the Potters, but he had hoped and felt the exception to the rule may have lain with them. But perhaps the exception had not lain with Lily and James but had in fact lain with the boy, Harry. "How did he survive?" Albus asked, the question seemed insensitive towards Lily and James, but it seemed the most potent at that time. "Lily." Minerva said in a simple voice, "she refused to step aside and let him kill Harry." This seemed such a simple thing yet the most powerful thing that Lily Potter could have done to protect her son. Simple magic, yet often forgotten about. "The blood barrier" Albus spoke to himself more that Minerva but she replied anyway "that's the only reason I can see, but Albus he had done what we wanted, the dark lord has marked the boy as his equal without knowing." She spoke the words empty of emotion and Albus knew why. It was a dreadful thing to happen but was needed. "Both are dead?" He asked wanting the answer to have changed in the last few moments. "Yes, and the Dark Lord has gone, the curse rebounded onto him." Minerva said quietly. Albus had expected this from the blood barrier but the sentence still shocked him, he gave an involuntary jerk at the news. His thoughts reeled for a few moments and then he said to her "If the Lily's blood is what kept Harry safe, the safest place for him now will be Lily's sister." She nodded her head in silent agreement. "Minerva we will escort the boy to his aunt's, please do meet me in the entrance hall in five minutes." She nodded once more and looking relieved she had something to do, left the office in a hurry. Albus's feet knew where they were going before he himself did. He left the office and walked slowly toward the room he had only relocated that night, leaving James Potter's cloak on the table in his study. He entered the room with its blank featureless landscape and once again the mirror caught is unblinking eyes. There they stood Ariana and Kendra, his father did linger in the background but was not prominent enough to make out facial features, and after all he had died before Albus reached the age of ten. He sat down heavily in front of the mirror feeling empty. He felt a loss, not for himself as he stared open mouthed at the mirror, his loss was an old one and felt different to this, no he felt a swooping loss for Harry. For the boy who Albus knew would one day stumble upon the mirror in his youth just as Albus had done all those years ago, would see exactly what Albus saw when he looked into his heart's desires. The boy who lived would see himself surrounded by the lost family that he had been so unfairly robbed of at such a young age, the family that Harry Potter would never know.


End file.
